Ideas on How to be Happy

Happy: cheerful; cheery; merry; joyful; jovial; jolly; jocular; gleeful; care-free; untroubled; delighted; smiling; beaming; grinning; euphoric; blissful; elated

The definition of happy, according the Geddes and Grosset English Dictionary is ‘fortunate; having, expressing or enjoying pleasure or contentment; pleased; appropriate, felicitous.

So when we come to deciding whether or not we are happy, do we have to look at our lives and realise how fortunate we are? Do we express enough pleasure in our lives? Is everything appropriate or how it should be? Are we pleased? Do we find our lives agreeable with us?

Many of our feelings of happiness derive from the thoughts of others and for this first hub I am going to write (of many, so long as I’m happy doing them!), I am going to concentrate on how the impact of others affects our own feelings towards ourselves.

There are many things that can make us happy; according to studies something as simple as a person smiling at you in the street is enough to lift negative mood. Culture also plays its part, we get enjoyment out of music, movies, theatre etc. A large source of our happiness does come from those around us; our friends, family, neighbours and loved ones and how we compare to them, socially and financially.

Human beings seem to spend a lot of time worrying about what others think; whether it is in the clothes we wear or in the choices we make; society seems to play its part on how we want to be seen and there is a real difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us. According to studies US and UKcitizens are no more happier now than they were during the 1950’s (Gallup ), even though both countries have become richer. It seems that ‘status anxiety’, an off-shoot of living within a capitalist system, has bitten its ugly head. Think of it using Olympic terms: bronze medal winners are far happier than silver medal winners, simply because the bronze-medallists are looking at those who won nothing, whereas…you got it.

In East Germany, when they re-united with the West, their level of happiness fell as they started to compare themselves to the wealthier West Germans.

This is all perfectly natural; it is not the total fault of the system but is an element that should be taken seriously. If governments are serious about making society happier then all aspects of life need to looked at. The trouble at the moment with the system is that the rich appear to be getting richer while the rest suffer in the economic gloom. Hence the backlash to the bankers; if it was made more apparent that bankers were suffering as much as the rest of the people then there wouldn’t be such venom towards them. Instead we are fed reports of continued bonuses and knighthoods.

Western society has become guilty of getting on the “hedonic” treadmill, where our living standards keep growing along with our wealth. We look at what others have and ask “why can’t I have that?” Ever increasing living standards become unbearable and we struggle to keep up with our own expectations, have you ever heard the phrase “keep you in the manner you have become accustomed too”? There can be no better phrase to describe the pressure that is put upon most people who chase the better life all of the time. However much you achieve, it will not be enough.

It takes courage to look at yourself and at what you have, but in doing so it can allow you to stop and take a breath; almost as if you are accounting for everything and checking that all (your life) is in order. Do you have a car outside that is paid for and gets you to where you need? If so, then does it matter that the person over the street has one that is bigger, or newer, or faster, or cleaner? Does that mean that his life is far happier than yours? It is no measure of happiness. The only person who can measure your happiness is you.

What do you want? If everything was taken away from what would you want back the most? Your children? Your job? Your partner? Your collection of Clint Eastwood westerns on VHS?

Part of the secret of happiness is to enjoy what you have without comparing them to someone else. Everyone has an opinion, I know how many people like to opine about what I’m wearing or what I’m doing or a decision I’ve made. But ultimately I’m doing it for me, if it works will I be telling them how wonderful they were in trying to talk me out of it? No, I’ll be doing what a lot of people find difficult to do, giving myself some praise. Equally if it goes wrong I shall take responsibility.

And that could be an answer to a lot of problems, responsibility. There is no-one else who can be responsible for you but you. You are what matters.

I remember a quote saying that “the most important person in your life is the one in front of you right now”; I love that quote, but I thought, what if you are on your own? Of course, then the most important person in your life is YOU.

Ultimately, you have the power to make yourself happy, part of that process is by realising what you have and accepting who you are. This is not accepting your lot, this is agreeing that this is right for now and will change as you change.

This is not a dress rehearsal, this is life, so get living.

Next time I will be looking at expressing happiness. Until then, smile.

Statistics from ‘Happiness’ by Richard Layard, available at Amazon

Follow my "happiness diary" at www.bonmemo.blogspot.com for weekly updates